My Heart and Other Blackholes by Jasmine Warga

My Heart and Other Black Holes
Jamine Warga
Young Adult
Paperback, 320 pages
10th February 2015 by Harperteen

Goodreads Ratings : 4.08/5
My Rating : 3/5



WARNING : Read the blurb at your own risk. (Dont read if you dont want to get spoiled bcs the blurb is kinda spoiler-ish to me)

A stunning novel about the transformative power of love, perfect for fans of Jay Asher and Laurie Halse Anderson.

Sixteen-year-old physics nerd Aysel is obsessed with plotting her own death. With a mother who can barely look at her without wincing, classmates who whisper behind her back, and a father whose violent crime rocked her small town, Aysel is ready to turn her potential energy into nothingness.

There's only one problem: she's not sure she has the courage to do it alone. But once she discovers a website with a section called Suicide Partners, Aysel's convinced she's found her solution--Roman, a teenage boy who's haunted by a family tragedy, is looking for a partner. Even though Aysel and Roman have nothing in common, they slowly start to fill in each other's broken lives. But as their suicide pact becomes more concrete, Aysel begins to question whether she really wants to go through with it. Ultimately, she must choose between wanting to die or trying to convince Roman to live so they can discover the potential of their energy together.

From Goodreads

“Sometimes I wonder if my heart is like a black hole--it's so dense that there's no room for light, but that doesn't mean it can't still suck me in.” 

You know how deep inside you whether you realize it or not, you have that black slug that pretty much eats up your happiness even the slightest bit, that makes you think negatively about things even when your supposed to just enjoy the moment and be happy ? And how you tend to push everyone away when your drowning in sadness and depression thinking that you want to be left alone and you dont want others to be infected with your sadness ? And sometimes when bad things happened even if its not entirely your fault, you keep on blaming urself on and on ? And sometimes you wish you could die than having to face any of this but you dont exactly have the courage to do just that ? 

This is basically what this book is all about. Its about depression and suicidal thoughts. Pretty much a common issue nowadays in teenagers. It helps you think to appreciate life more, which i think is the huge main idea of this book. Jasmine Warga delivers this part quite well. 

“Depression is like a heaviness that you can’t ever escape. It crushes down on you, making even the smallest things like tying your shoes or chewing on toast seem like a twenty-mile hike uphill. Depression is a part of you; it’s in your bones and your blood.” - Aysel

I would say this book is quite something, it IS something. Its very emotional but somehow i kinda felt like something important is missing. I'm not exactly sure what is it thats missing (I have some idea but having to say it here would probably mean giving you guys a spoiler so I wont) 

I keep on getting reminded of Jojo Moyes' Me Before You while reading this because it has the exact same idea. Only thing is that this happened to 17years old kids instead of 30ish. I found myself enjoying this book at some points but like I said it has a few things missing that made this book a little less meaningful, but its still okay enough. I would love to read more insights on Aysel's friends and family though. Like what do they think of her personally and stuffs but I dont get that so yeah im a lil bit disappointed about it. 

But this book has insanely lots of good quotes about depression and stuffs so thats a huge total bonus ! I'm having a hard time choosing which quote to put down here lol. 

“Anyone who has actually been that sad can tell you that there's nothing beautiful or literary or mysterious about depression.” 

One of the things that I love about this book is that the author keeps on saying how depression isnt all that beautiful. You know how these days its so hipsterish of people to write poems about depression and being depressed ? This book opens up my mind how the people who are diagnosed with depression would think, and its bad. Its all dark there that sometimes I feel like I was trapped somewhere with no lights and no where to go. 

I'm quite disappointed with the synopsis/blurb at the back of the book actually. It ruins the surprise for me. Like i would probably like the development (?) of the story if I didnt read the blurb earlier (so a warning to you : do not read the blurb. just know that this is a book about depression and suicide. That knowledge is good enough) 

I was imagining quite a different ending actually. I was also waiting for that one point, one event or anything that would break me. That would make me cry like a baby. I felt it at first, but it was there just a little while so thats another reason why im giving this a 3. I think i am one of the minority who is not emotionally affected by the book. I felt like I was being let down by this book when actually I shouldnt because it ends okay, but that's just me being complicated af lol.